my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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