You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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