Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
