I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
