Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
