i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
