just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
