Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
