i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
