Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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