Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was born a porn star she said
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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