Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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