I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm both gender and math confused
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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