I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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