please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this boner is exhausting
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
