thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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