oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
