Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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