i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
