look no pants
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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