I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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