I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
