I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
