And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
No more Irish car bombs ever.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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