The maid of honor just puked.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
