Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
two words: eviction party
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
