Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
