hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
