I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
