Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
