we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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