When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
