my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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