im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
