I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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