very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
