Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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