my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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