Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
