I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
