She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
