Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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