How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
