I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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