Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
