the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
