On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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