There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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