I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
