sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
