still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
