My brain says no but my pants say off.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
