i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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