woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
