I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The power of my boobs compel you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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