make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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