I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
